50 Dollar Lesson

September 3rd, 2010

I recently asked my friend’s daughter what she wanted to be when she grows up.

She said she wanted to be President some day.

Both of her parents, Ultra-Liberal-Obama-Worshiping-Democrats were standing there, so I asked her, “If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?”

She replied, “I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.”

Her parents beamed.

“Wow…what a worthy goal.” I told her, “But you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I’ll pay you $50. Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.”

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?”

I said, “Welcome to the Republican Party.”

Her parents still aren’t speaking to me.

THEN IN WALKS THE DOG…

September 3rd, 2010

Dinner party for 8 – $250…

Wine for guests – $80…

Your parents are there,

Your in-laws are there,

Your boss and his wife are there,

The minister and his wife are there,

You’re all settling down for a nice relaxing dinner,

Then

In

Walks

The

Dog…..

……

…..

……

PRICELESS!

The Guilty Dog

Some Ideas For Your Quad

September 3rd, 2010

Hog-Huntin’, Texas style!

This west Texas farmer had a feral-hog problem. Wild hogs will ruin a farm!

HAD IS THE KEY WORD HERE!

Simple solution….

Bush Buggy

Holy Hog Poop, Batman!!!; Is that a .50 cal. BARRETT on the dashboard??! !
…And an M-1919 Browning .30 cal. Belt-Fed MACHINE GUN topside?

Hog Pile

Yummy!!!

Yee-Haw, Billy-Bob!!! That’ll make for one dandy HOG ROAST, don’t ya reckon??!

Bring on the BBQ!!!

Don't Mess with Texas

Crazy Texans!

Wishes granted!

September 3rd, 2010
Golf Course Mansion

A husband takes his wife to play her first round of golf.

The wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, “I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.”

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A man’s voice said, “Come on in.”

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done. Glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, “Are you the people that broke the window?”

“Uh, yeah, sir.. We’re sure sorry about that,” the husband replied.

“Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I’m a genie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes.. I’ll give you each one wish, but if you don’t mind, I’ll keep the last one for myself.”

“Wow, that’s great!” the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, “I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”

“No problem,” said the genie. “You’ve got it, it’s the least I can do. And I’ll guarantee you a long, healthy life!”

“And now you, young lady, what do you want?” the genie asked.

“I’d like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,” she said.

“Consider it done,” the genie said. “And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!”

Holloween Costume

“Now,” the couple asked in unison, “what’s your wish, genie?”

“Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle and haven’t been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.”

The husband looked at his wife and said, “Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?”

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, “You know, you’re right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn’t mind, but what about you, honey?”

cartoon

“You know I love you sweetheart,” said the husband. “I’d do the same for you!”

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way.. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, “How old are you and your husband?”

“Why, we’re both 45,” she responded breathlessly.

“NO SHIT.” He said, “Forty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?”

No Baptists Were Harmed in the Making of This Clip

August 28th, 2010

Don’t go rafting without Baptists.

No Baptists were harmed in the making of this clip. Too funny!

YEP! VERY FUNNY

The Chalk Guy is Back!

August 27th, 2010

AMAZING!!!!! TO SEE IT, IS TO BELIEVE IT

The chalk guy is back.!!!!!!!!!!!
Positively astounding  !!
This guy continues to amaze people with his sidewalk 3D chalk drawings.

Street Chalk Drawing 1


Street Chalk Drawing 2


Street Chalk Drawing 3


Street Chalk Drawing 4


Street Chalk Drawing 5


Street Chalk Drawing 6


Street Chalk Drawing 7


Street Chalk Drawing 8


Street Chalk Drawing 9


Street Chalk Drawing 10


Street Chalk Drawing 11


Street Chalk Drawing 12


Street Chalk Drawing 13


Street Chalk Drawing 14


Street Chalk Drawing 15


Street Chalk Drawing 16


Street Chalk Drawing 17


Street Chalk Drawing 18


Street Chalk Drawing 19


Street Chalk Drawing 20


Street Chalk Drawing 21


Street Chalk Drawing 22


Street Chalk Drawing 23


Street Chalk Drawing 24


Street Chalk Drawing 25


Street Chalk Drawing 26

Totally worthy of forwarding!

Why Men Shouldn’t Write Advice Columns

August 27th, 2010
NewsPaper Clipping

SALUTE!!!

August 27th, 2010

Have a drink & take the time to smell the roses…..

red or white

A Glass of Wine

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine.. . And those who don’t and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, At the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) – bacteria found in feces.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop..

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:

I’m doing it as a public service!

DEER CAMP

August 27th, 2010

A true deer hunter !!

Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Ron’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

“Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?”

“Well, I’ve been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and p ut her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?’” I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.

She took my hand, pulled me to our bedroom. There were candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, “Do whatever you want.”

Around the Campfire

So, here I am.

marriage described through horse race, not for kids

August 26th, 2010

Editor’s Note: As marriage is an adult topic (one would hope) this video uses adult language.


privace policy | terms of service | about us