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Archive for July, 2010

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The Skirt and Zipper

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010
tight skirt

Aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg  to come up to the height of the first step of the bus..

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg she tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached  behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the  waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic  and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled,
‘How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!’

The Texan smiled and drawled,
‘Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with  you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.’

**********************************


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Barbie’s 50th – Made my morning!

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

It’s about time this happened to her:

Old Fat Barbie

YOU KNOW  YOU ARE LIVING IN 2010  when…

1. You  accidentally enter your password on the  microwave…

2. You haven’t  played solitaire with real cards in  years.

3. You have a list  of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of  3.

4.  You e-mail the person who  works at the desk next to  you…

5. Your reason for  not staying in touch with friends and family is  that they don’t have e-mail  addresses    .

6.  You  pull up in your own driveway and use your cell  phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry  in the groceries.

7. Every commercial  on television has a web site at the bottom of  the screen.

8.. Leaving the house  without your cell phone, which you didn’t have  the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life,  is now a cause for panic and you turn around to  go and get it.

10. You get  up in the morning and go on line before getting  your coffee

11. You start  tilting your head sideways to smile. :  )

12.. You’re reading  this and nodding and  laughing.

13. Even worse, you  know exactly to whom you are going to forward  this message.

14. You are  too busy to notice there was no #9 on this  list.

15. You  actually scrolled back up to check that there  wasn’t a #9 on this  list.

AND  NOW U R LAUGHING AT YOURSELF

Go  on, forward this to your friends. You know you  want to. (Send them a Link!)

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BOATING ACCIDENT

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

Not for the    squeamish!!

SECONDS before Death    (CHILLING).

WARNING!  GRAPHIC BOATING    PHOTO.

THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN WITH JUST SECONDS LEFT TO LIVE (CHILLING!)


Cartoon


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TWO MOONS ON AUGUST 27, 2010

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

TWO MOONS ON  27th AUGUST, 2010
This will be very cool.

The Moon and Mars in frame

27th Aug the Whole World is waiting for………….
Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August. It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will culminate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles off earth. Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am. It will look like the earth has 2 moons.
The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287.
Share this with your friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see it again. (Send them a Link!)


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Sex For the First Time

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

clean and funny (allegedly).
FIRST TIME SEX

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

a pharmacy cartoon

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the  pharmacist it’s his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.

“Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!”

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated.

The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, ‘I had no idea you were this religious.’

The boy turns, and whispers back,

‘I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.’

If you DON’T forward this to at least 1 person you have no sense of humor !!! (Editor’s Note: Just send a link to the page!)

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Senior Wedding

Monday, July 26th, 2010
Older Couple Dancing

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami , are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore.. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

“Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course, we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “How about suppositories?”

Pharmacist: “You bet!”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer’s?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”

Pharmacist: “We sure do.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”

Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”

Jacob: “Adult diapers?”

Pharmacist: “Sure.”

Jacob: “We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”

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Horny Skeleton Candid Camera

Monday, July 26th, 2010

Editor’s Note: I had seen this video a couple of years ago and probably have it posted in the videos section of the main site. I received the latest version from an email friend recently. I checked YouTube and, sure enough, it was available there. I present the YT version for your viewing pleasure. It is interesting that these viral emails keep popping up in waves. They sit on somebodies harddrive for some time and then get sent out again.


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Traffic Camera

Saturday, July 24th, 2010
A Traffic Cam

My husband was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera.

He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though he knew that he was not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed.

He tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while he rolled past at a snail’s pace.

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

You can’t fix stupid.

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Sad News!

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

so funny—I’ll laugh  every time I think of this!!!
Woman shot in the head

cartoon blonde

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed  that Linda’s eyes were now open and she looked very  strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an  hour.

The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.  A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.

Linda is blonde, a Democrat and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence.

Editor’s Note: I went looking for something in the way of an image (successfully) to go with the vanilla post and ran across a listing on Snopes for this one:  http://www.snopes.com/crime/safety/biscuit.asp


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A Prayer for Grandpa

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

Brings tears to your eyes

PRAYER FOR GRANDPA
This  is just too beautiful not to  share.

The GrandBaby

Dear God, please send clothes for all those poor ladies on grandpa’s computer.
Amen!


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