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Archive for the ‘eMail Comedy’ Category

Explanation of Tools “For The Guys”

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011
Tools Explained DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then Click Here to See The Excitement!!

Good News from the Kitchen

Thursday, September 15th, 2011
This woman is 51 She is TV health guru Gillian McKeith, advocating a holistic approach to nutrition and health, promoting exercise, a vegetarian diet high in organic fruits and vegetables. She recommends detox diets, colonic irrigation and supplements. This woman is 51 She is Nigllea Lawson a TV cook, who eats meat, butter and desserts. I Click Here to See The Excitement!!

The Old Guy @ The Gym

Thursday, September 15th, 2011
An old guy … ok, a guy my age and not in the best of shape was working out in the gym when he spotted a sexy and beautiful young woman. He asked the nearby trainer, "What machine should I use in here to impress that cute young thing over there?" The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I'd try the ATM in the lobby." Click Here to See The Excitement!!

The Recession Has Hit Everybody

Thursday, May 12th, 2011
The Recession has hit everybody..... I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.. A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced. I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife. If Click Here to See The Excitement!!

ANNOUNCEMENT – Threat Levels Around the World

Friday, February 18th, 2011
From the BBC - by John Cleese. ANNOUNCEMENT The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz Click Here to See The Excitement!!

The Tail (tale?) of the Poor Dog

Friday, February 18th, 2011
Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, "Harry, I have a plan to win back Middle America in 2012!" "Great Nancy, but how?" asked Harry. "We'll get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like most middle Americans wear, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador Retriever. Then, we'll go to a nice old country bar in Montana Click Here to See The Excitement!!

Ole & Sven

Friday, February 18th, 2011
Ole and Sven were fishing in the Kentucky lake when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light. 'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,' he replied, and then, reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long. 'Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. Click Here to See The Excitement!!

Proof-Reading is a Dying Art….

Friday, February 18th, 2011
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say? Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day. I Click Here to See The Excitement!!

ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND

Monday, January 17th, 2011
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman. My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with Click Here to See The Excitement!!

Growing Up Without a Cell Phone

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011
Good times. Good times. If you are 36, or older, you might think this is hilarious! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways...yadda, yadda, yadda And I Click Here to See The Excitement!!