WebPickUps Blog

You Might Be A Redneck If………

(No words are needed)

This is Neat. . .

May you always have work for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

How to make your friends invisible in Photographs…..

When Farm Boys Get Bored !

Screw the World Cup in South Africa … I’m watching this.

Just when you think the photo’s can’t get any worse, they show up.

Well, it is summer now, which means that we all get to witness more gems like this one.

Why do I have a feeling Jim Henson is behind her……working her arms?

Ummm, I think you might need something more than the pine tree air-freshener.  It’s a start……not where I would have started…….but it’s a start.

C’mon now, on a scale of 1 to 10, where do you think his level of ‘giving a f***’ is?  I am seriously jealous of this dude.

The only thing this guy is missing is a bedazzled jean jacket to match his purdy pink sparkly bedazzled belt.

Hey Hulk Hogan, guys with a full head of hair look stupid with a ponytail.  Wanna take a guess how good it looks without half your hair?

Hookers love cupcakes.  I have nothing else to add to that.  Can’t argue with the facts.

I don’t really know why Magic School Bus Lady is always at Wal-Mart, because I don’t think they have any of the clothes she wears, nor do I know where you can find any of the things she wears.

Why do I feel like at any minute now, a big arm-bar is going to swing out with a STOP sign on it?

Sasselfratz, hibidibut, yzidili, guvukafet…  Oh, don’t mind me.  I’m just trying to think of new words to describe this lady because I can’t seem to find any that already exist.

Listen hunny, the “ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL” tag is lying to you, so I suggest we try things on before we buy.

Your first move should be checking that backpack for a pair of underwear.  If there are none in there, well, you ARE at a store that sells underwear.  Problem solved.  I would move on to pants…but…I don’t want to get too far ahead…and lose you.

OOOOWWW, she’s a BRICK (da-na-na-na) HOUSE.  She’s MIGHTY- MIGHTY, just LETTIN’ it ALL hang-out.

Just ‘cuz you have the ‘all-natural’ sleeves thing goin’ on, doesn’t mean the rest of us are cool with you wearing your tank top.

I wonder if she can ‘tie ‘em in a knot or tie ‘em in a bow’……because unfortunately, I already know they ‘wobble to an fro’.

I cannot confirm if this is indeed THE Little Miss Muffet.  Mainly because I have no idea what a tuffet looks like.

How does one manage to make it look like they’ve tucked their ass into their pants like a shirt?

Oh, the humanity.  How did we get to this point as a species???

At what point does a person just say “F*ck it, I don’t need to put on shoes or pants”?  Most people in the world would put pants on to walk into another room of the house, or if not that, then they would put some on if they’re going to the street to get their mail.  And you made it to Wal-Mart.

I know what a muffin-top is, but I’ve never seen a muffin-back.  I think there needs to be a better word for it, so, I’m open to suggestions.

OH COME ON!  Are you actually going to stand there and tell me you don’t even feel a breeze?

Hey!  They don’t make ‘tube-bottoms’ for a reason.

I’m sorry sir, but those Christmas hams put you over the 12 item limit for this line.

ATTENTION WAL-MART SHOPPERS:  Warm weather is now here as we start the summer, and so is the unfortunate “Swamp Ass” epidemic.  Be aware – and try to stay dry.

The irony here is overwhelming.  I’m just going to sit back and let you soak it in.

OH DAMN, Santa is WORKIN’ it.

HEY!  HEY!  HOLD STILL!!!  There’s a f***in’ jellyfish on your head!  HOLD STILL SO I CAN GET IT OFF!!!

Before he died, did Elvis get a poodle pregnant?  I don’t know, I’m not here to judge…Okay, I am…but still…

How the hell did the White Witch of Narnia come through the wardrobe?

Yes!!!!!  Blue is definitely your color!

I was not aware that barbers were still using the salad bowl as a styling instrument.

WOW!  That’s so cool!  JanSport came out with a new flesh colored fanny-pack…wait…hold on…can it be…is it…OH MY DEAR GOD!

I would like to officially nominate those pants for worst color option EVER!  Are you serious with that?  “Hey, let’s get skin-tight pants, make them in sizes where the words ’skin-tight’ should be off-limits, and then produce them in a flesh color.”  What a great idea!

Ya really think ya gonna be needin those condoms there, big fella?

Editor’s Note: Here is the most recent installment in the People of Walmart viral email series. I begin to wonder if someone in the PoW office does not originate these things in a promotional effort. At any rate there is a lot more to see on their site. Please be sure to visit:  http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

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The motivational poster emails are a regular occurance. Here is the latest batch to come through my Inbox.

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• The occurance of Piles during pregnancy
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Forward:This is the latest of several emails that I have received over the past few months containing pictures from the website People of Walmart. These emails get forwarded around the net so I wanted to post an example here in the viral email archive. I contacted the People of Walmart site and asked permission to post this email. One of the co-founders of the site replied granting permission. For a lot more zany pictures of the people of Walmart visit the site where these pictures originated, People of Walmart.com. Thanks!

New ones! Walmart strikes again

I’m scared….where do these people live????

Yep, you nailed it. I now have a Very Impotent P—–. Thanks.

It’s like a permanent lumbar support system. By the way, how do you even get hair to cling/mold/bind/form/shape into that? I’m just asking so that I don’t accidentally do it.

Much to my, and I’m sure everyone else’s, surprise we have a challenger to the Old lady from 8 Crazy Nights look alike also, full disclosure I’m a little frightened.

I have a feeling her kids are always on their best behavior. I guess that’s what happens when you have a professional spanker for a mother.

Don’t you hate it when you confuse your washing machine and your kids Spiral Splatter Creations Kit? I know I do.

OH SNAP! That’s how Willy the Pimp does black and white son! You fake pimps better come correct next time you wanna challenge the legend.

No Caption Necessary!

Okay, I know the shirt has strings, and I’m no Louis Vuitton, but I’m pretty sure those strings weren’t designed to hang on for dear life.

Back in my day, we didn’t have these fancy Child Labor laws. You already picked up as much dirt and dust off of the floor with your feet as you could, so it’s time to start the full body sweep now boy.

C’mon cross-dressers! If you are going to wear clothing of the opposite sex, at least give it your best effort. I mean, you obviously took the time to pick out that cute little skirt, but then BAM you ruin it with those beat up old black sneakers. I never thought I’d say this, but Sir, go put on some heels!

So, what do you do when you want to wear a different colored shirt?

Hello Kitty, goodbye dignity.

Did you look at that shirt before you put it on and honestly think it would fit, or did you put it on in 1997 when it did fit and just decided you were set for life?

All you get is a peek.. You gotta work for it if you wanna see more! Vavoom!

You know, I always had a sneaking suspicion Justin Timberlake was taking credit for someone else’s work.

The years may come and go, but styling and profiling never change.

A one piece thong and jorts. Just saying it out loud sounds awful.

Do you have any idea how tiring it can be putting on purple sweatpants like this? Im going to take a nap right now just from thinking about it.

For my own sanity, I have to assume that she is shoplifting pork roasts in her shirt. Simply because there is no possible way those are what you think they are. They can’t be, I refuse to believe it. Don’t try to reason with me.

I guarantee that nobody in the country HAS ever, CAN ever, or WILL ever rock out as hard as these two in Wal-Mart. End of story.

Not quite sure what all is going on here, but I can tell you this, none of its good.

Let’s all take a minute to appreciate the irony of jamming the healthy choice down the back of your ass.

I like talking to her because she always seems so surprised and interested in what I’m saying. That, and because she kinda looks like the old lady in Adam Sandlers Eight Crazy Nights.

Now go on! Get up there and get me my damn Fanta!

Well if the Cowboys want to call themselves America s Team, they need to have a true American cheerleader. I think we have found her.

You kidding me? Honestly, are you kidding me? I mean really, you couldn’t find pink gloves? The lack of effort is noted!

No need to wrap up that bologna, I’ll just put it in my trash bag shirt.

Don’t forget to visit the People of Walmart site.

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